Here and There

I wish there was a word for the act of picking up a dictionary, and with the hand that lifts the book, using fingers to attempt to open it to exactly the word you’re about to look up.

For example, I just consulted the dictionary to see whether Englishman is one word. I picked it up with my right hand, and my fingers did their best to approximate opening the book to the E section. Lo and behold, the page I opened began with elephantiasis, and ended in else.

* According to Webster’s New World College Dictionary, Third Edition, Englishman is, in fact, a word.

We beat nytimes.com and Slate.com!

A very Office Space situation occurred the other day.

I was sitting there chopping away at my work when my boss came over, and I swear he said it just like this:

“I’m gonna need you to go ahead and work a Friday in November, then have the split days off. Work Sunday, then get Monday off.”

Okay, A) Fuck that. One of the few joys of this newspaper copyediting job is having a (semi)normal weekend. I get to see my friends Friday and Saturday, and often Sunday for brunchy activities. Any disruption to that bliss would leave me most disgruntled.

B) Yeah, I always thought the so-called policy was that we’re asked to work off-schedule days when someone wants that day off. Asked, not told.

C) The answer is no, no matter what.

I happened to have the convenient excuse of not being in the country (going to Argentina soon, have I mentioned?) the days in question, so that was the end of that. But the more I thought about the whole exchange, the more indignant I got.

I’m fully prepared to politely decline any subsequent “tellings” of this nature.

That is all.