Here and There

Sorry to be writing so much about Facebook these days, but I suppose being unemployed has left me with infinitely more downtime, and so, more time to poke around on Facebook. And due to a few interesting situations on the site lately, I have more to think about.

A few days ago, my new sister-in-law, whom I hardly know, friended me. She’s a really nice girl, so naturally I accepted. She seemed new to the site, and really, why not? I already have dozens of “friends” on Facebook whom I rarely talk with, much less truly know anymore.

Then, late last night (Christmas Eve), I was shocked to find a friend request from … my mom.

Let me step back a moment. My mom, god love her, is the epitome of the email-forwarder. She’s been retired since 2005, and beginning a few years before that, she started using email at work. When I say epitome, I mean epitome. She hits all the features — subject lines the likes of, “Fwd: FWD: Fwd: FWD: Re: Santa’s Little Helpers (Humor)”; if you care to find the message she’s trying to get across, you have to do some detective work, scrolling way the hell down past previously forwarded email addresses; attachments of file types that no Google search can detect, and no application on any computer I’ve ever owned can run.

Getting this friend request on Christmas Eve, I imagined the scene at my childhood home in Texas: My brother and his wife are visiting, having dinner, opening gifts. Sister-in-law tells mom how she’s friends with me and my girlfriend on Facebook. Mom says, “Oh, I’ve heard of that. What is it?” Sister-in-law explains her version of Facebook (I find it’s a little different for everyone). And either mom asks if she could have a profile, or sister-in-law tells her to get one.

Back at home here in San Francisco, I see my mom’s name on a friend request, and panic sets in. What do I have on my profile that I don’t want her to see? What photos are there that would shock her? What have I written that she’d object to?

I browsed photos and sure enough, there are jokey ones of friends pretending to hold my genitals. There are plenty of intensely argued posts (both here and on Facebook), replete with colorful language.

But then it occurred to me: So what? I’m an adult now. If she’s savvy enough to find these things, good for her. And if she’s truly appalled or offended, she can deal. I have a pretty good relationship with my mom. We gossip and talk politics fairly often. Also, I’m an open book for just about everyone I know. My mom probably wouldn’t even be shocked by what she sees on Facebook.

So, in the end, I decided to friend her and just let it go. I figured I should help her get a good profile going, complete with, you know, her photo. We’re visiting this weekend, and maybe I’ll ask her what she wants to do with the site, and try to help facilitate that for her. I can tell her some of the ways I use it (blog promotion, reading and commenting on what other people post, sharing photos), and see if she’s interested in any of that.

But this whole phenomenon of her appearing on the site got me thinking about how Facebook fits into the larger scheme of things. I had up to now considered it a domain (no pun intended) safe from the eyes and ears of my parents and their generation. I’m friends with the mom of one of my true friends, and that’s fine. I know her and she’s not so removed from my life. My mom, on the other hand, is safely distant. Perhaps that’s about to change.

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