Here and There

I rode my bike to Whole Foods the other day (not an unusual way for me to spend Monday morning, really), when it occurred to me to try to establish some sort of informal, non-binding rule of the road, specifically concerning right-of-way.

Anyone who has driven a car, ridden a motorcycle or a scooter, walked, rollerbladed, or ridden their bicycle in a big or moderately sized city such as San Francisco has run into this problem. And every city is different.

My proposition is based on levels of menace and the ability to destroy biological life. It looks something like this, in order of who goes first:

1) Pedestrians. That’s a no-brainer, right? Not necessarily. Just ask tattoos-and-backwards-sports-cap guy in his Honda with the treated muffler. Oh hell, just ask almost any driver, and they’ll tell you: pedestrians are pesky hindrances on the driving experience. The only thing keeping more drivers from intentionally mowing them down is, well, the thought of wearing orange for the rest of their lives.

2) Rollerbladers. This is another one of those “for those who know me” statements. Yes, I’m saying in-line skaters go before bikes. Again, think back to the basis of my order: in a head-to-head matchup, a bicycle would destroy a skater, elbow pads or no.

3) Bikes (non-motorized). Another no-brainer, and not just because i often ride one. Anything with a motor simply has to yield to anything that doesn’t have one. Speaking of, we’ve reached the great divide in the hierarchy: motor vs. no-motor, and somewhere in-between lies…

4) Segway scooters. Wait, actually, fuck it. Those things are ridiculous, and don’t really deserve any rights at all.

5) Scooters (as in Vespa, et al). Fuel-inefficient, but oh-so-otherwise practical in a place like SF. See them zip between cars, carry groceries, and sometimes invade the bike lane (a severe transgression, to be sure). But as they are outfitted with petroleum-fueled engines, they must wait and let everyone else preceding them on this list go first. They may not get “there” before everyone else, but hey, at least they look cool, right?

6) Motorcycles. Some are the bane of my existence. Well, one of many banes, honestly. You know what I’m talking about — the loud, travel-in-packs variety. Still, they’re slightly more practical than most cars, and carry a certain positive image: that of the outlaw, rough-and-tumble iconoclastic road pirate. Or the wimpy weekend warrior. What have you. They can blow away a Vespa in a speed trial, and thus must wait patiently for the scooter to cross, turn, or pass. Tough shit, tough guy.

7) Cars. True, drivers will never accept this, but it’s up to us to constantly reinforce it. In every situation not clearly designated otherwise, cars must yield to everyone else. The problem is (so says my crackpot theory, anyway) that when most drivers are behind the wheel, they’re completely divorced from the power of the machine they control. They have no idea, being boxed in as they are, of the harm they can bring upon the rest of the civilized, mobile world. It usually takes an accident, whether with another car, or simply hitting a pedestrian, for drivers to come to the understanding that they are loaded guns.

One area I need to ponder more is public-transportation vehicles versus civilian cars. Next post.

So there you have it. This post isn’t meant to establish any laws (far be it from me to assume such authority). Rather, I merely mean to spark a discussion. Wait, that’s what I always mean to do here…ha!

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